What a Christmas !

Kayden had been sick and it seemed to get worse. It seemed like she was having problems breathing so I took her to the ER. They tested her for RSV, put her on oxygen because her oxygen was low, gave her breathing treatments, and a chest xray. They decided she had broncholitis (?Spelling) and admitted her. The Dr from IMC came down to see about admitting her to IMC. I really didnt like this Dr - her comment was I dont hear anything and I dont understand why she got breathing treatments- What a great Dr ! Can she not hear what everyone else does ? MEanwhile, Teresa was scheduled for oral surgery ! So mom took her to have all her wisdom teeth pulled and took care of her while I took care of Kayden. They went ahead and released Kayden on Xmas eve but we did not want to expose her to anyone. At this point no one said anything about cancelling her surgery ! So everyone was at moms including my cousins who came in from Houston and my sister who took Caitlin) on xmas day. And Robert and I stayed at home and watched movies all day. Do you know when the last time we were able to rent a rated r movie ? I sure as heck cant remember but since it was just us, we took advantage of it ! Our neighbor brought us plates of food and another nieghbor brought us cookies ! Definitly an unusal holiday but peaceful. Robert and I dont get much alone time anymore so it was actally kinda nice

How did I forget

I have no idea how I forgot this.... Kayden was in her swing and started crying. Caitlin picked her up and went to hand her to me and Kayden threw up all over Caitlin. My hero. Caitlin said did she throw up on me ?Looked over her shoulder and said yes. I said "It's in your hair, go jump in the shower" Caitlin took off her shirt and proceeded to help me clean up Kayden in the sink. she even got a wet washcloth and wiped off the bed where some had gotten. Then cleaned up the water mess I was making and got Kayden a towel. all before she cleaned her self ! Not bad for an 8 year old. I really see her growing up alot lately. Having her litle sister around has really gotten her to take some responsibilty.Of course, it is still when she wants to- if you ask her to do something she better feel like it or expect a "in a minute". But baby steps are fine for now ~ smile

I am so tired !

Thursday Kayden got her synagis shot (to keep the RSV away !) then Friday she had a follow up with the peditrician about her ear and with the cardiologist. The peditrician said the ear looked better but wasnt cleared up and he wants to see her again 12/26. The cardiologist was upset we took her off the tube feedings and wants us to do it again. He said if she was really having problems breathing with the congestion to let him know and his arm could be bent. Well no sooner then we got home she started getting fussy and wanted to be held and patted. If I stopped she started crying. We thought maybe it was a reaction to the shot but it doesnt seem to be. I spent ALL weekend holding her and patting. And that included the nights. It wasnt too bad friday night and saturday but once sunday night came I couldnt do it anymore. I even tried letting her cry to see if she would cry herself to sleep but no good and Caitlin just got upset that I was letting Kayden cry. At one point I started crying out of pure frustration and being so tired. Caitlin took her from me and got her to stop. she gently explained to Kayden that she cant hold her all ngiht cause she would fall asleep on her and that mommy was the only one who could, so Kayden had to be good for mommy. Well, Kayden didnt listen and moved downstairs hoping sleeping in her swing would help (my hero Caitlin by my side the whole time).By almost 11 I called Robert. Now let me stop for a minute, where is Robert ??? Well, Friday night he worked a lock in and then he started his 4 on saturday (6pm- 6am until till tuesday night). So I called him and he is at IHOP eating with the guys ! Are you kidding me ? I have spent days in a recliner till my rear end hurt waiting for him to wake up at 4pm just so I can take a shower and he is hanging with the guys ! ARGH !! Anyway he came home and took her for a little and then gave her to my dad so I could sleep. I guess she fell asleep and dad put her in her swing cause that is where I found her when she woke at midnight ! then again at 2am and again at 3:30. I could barely handle it by almost 4 when I called Rob who came by and then came home early at 4:30 complaining that he was going to loose his job. My response it "good we can be unemployed together cause I am too tired to go to work" My plan was to sleep for an hour and get up at 5:30 but i slept till after 6am. I ended up rinsing off and coming into work, but I have never come in without washing my hair or putting on my make up at the office ! I called the peditrician's office as soon as they opened. they said I can try vicks on her feet and a cool mist humidifier but they could not see me today. I asked what would they even be able to do since she was too little for medicine and she said listen to her chest. She said if she has a fever over 101 or is inconsolable thke her to the ER. Ya think that is why I have held her for the past 3days ???? Day care is closed today so she is at home with her sisters. I called a minute ago and heard her in the backgroud. I asked if she was fussy and Caitlin said she was talking. So is it me ? Can she sense the frustration ? Am I the only one she does this too ?? Does she know what I went through to get her here ? She sould be good for me and fussy for everyone else ! Especially her dad who was at IHOP instead of holding her and patting her all day and night !

On a positive note : ) Jennifer (Baby Jude's mommy) got the frame we sent for Jude's baptism ! She mentioned it on her blog. I am so glad to know that it made it- I hate mailing stuff this time of year. Her strength is amazing and really lifts my spirits ! Especially on a day like today. thanks Jennifer

Have a new date

Yesterday we went to see the surgeon. I can not tell you how much I REALLY like him ! We talked about the emergency room visit and her being sick. He explains things better than anyone and said it is normal for surgeries to be postponed because babies get sick. He called Kayden princess and told her that guck coming out of her ears is not very attractive for boys. (heehee) He said he could get us in before the end of the year but he prefered not to. That the hospital is on low staff and he did not want to do the surgery and then leave town. How awesome ! A doctor who actually cares about their patient. Not saying that others don't, he was just so sincere about it. I feel totally confortable with this man holding my daughters heart in his hands- he has already captured our hearts. Even Robert really likes him and he has been cranky when it comes to Doctors lately- I think because Kayden's ear infection was not caught sooner. When we told him aboutr the ER Doctors reaction to the chest xray, he even made a point to pull it up and look at it while we were there. He said there is some streaking in her lungs but was okay with it considering she was sick. I almost forgot... the new date.... January 8, 2009. It seems so far away but yet at the same time it seems so soon. I started getting scared yesterday. I read Kele's story about Presleys heart suregery and all of a sudden it hit me that they are going to cut my daughters chest open. And I started getting teary eyed. As soon as I got home from the Surgeon's office I called about her synagis shot. I can not take a chance of her getting sick and postponing the surgery again. Especially since Dr Fox said that is the main reason of surgeries getting rescheduled. So I called and she goes thursday for a new synagis shot. I called my sister and she is going to talk to her boss about being here for the surgery ~she is really coming through and it is such a relief to know she will be here to help with the big girls. Then I get a text message from my friend Melissa asking about a date, I told her the date and her reply was "Nice! that will be here before you know it!" then her next message was "I know ur disappointed but the good news there is a date. She will be strong and healthy" Got to love Melissa, she always seems to know the right thing to say : )

Hope this doesnt interfere with surgery

Robert took Kayden to the peditrician this morning. she has an ear infection. She inst fussy or cranky she just has guck coming out.thank good ness for day care who realized the problem. Maybe this is why she has the low grade temp. She is on antibiotics for a week. Hope it doesnt affect our appt with the surgeon on monday ! She seems to be back to her self- talking and spitting (that lip thing she started doing) and putting her fist in the air (like you expect her to say charge !)

Hoping

Kayden is scheduled for a follow up next week with the cardiologist. So I called the surgeon and asked if the cardiologist clears her, how soon can we do the surgery ??? The nurse told me that the surgeon is out the week between xmas and new year and that his schedule was full but she would check with hi, she also asked whenI wanted to do the surgery- at which I responded "as soon as possible- in fact the next would be fine !" She called me back and said Dr Fox wanted to see Kayden monday and then we could discuss the surgery, and would 2:15 be okay ! Heck, I would be there at whatever time she told me to ! So, here is hope that we can still do it this month !!! please, please, please !

on another note- Krisit mentioned that Kayden had guck coming out of her ear, she called today and told Rob there was still some stuff but not as bad as before.Rob called the nurse and said he could go tomorrow or the ER today. He has an appt tomorrow with the peditrician. Hopefully it is nothing. Maybe this is why the temp didnt break ! So we have lots of Hope everything will work out !

I was SOOOO MAD !

I hate ex-wives ! before I uspet anyone,let me first say, I am an ex-wife ! thank good ness I did not have kids with my ex so I have nothing to do with him, except for hearing the occassional story about what a mess he is and making me feel even better for not being with him !

Let me give you some history first... about 5 years ago we got my step daughter a ticket to see her mom (per the crt order). Her mom decided to go to NY with some guy and wouldnt be there. child upset, us upset, child then in counseling ! Hadnt seen her mom since ! No cards on birthday or xmas and forget gifts ! Well Grandmother and great grandmother are ill. We decide that Teresa needs to go see them before they pass so she has no regrets ! We send her to her moms against her will. Mom pretends the last 5 years means nothing and tries to be her best friend allowing her to do things we dont allow. So here I am in the hospital after giving birth to Kayden. Since she came early we werent ready and Robert went home to wash some clothes. teresa's friend stops by and asked Robert what he thinks of Teresa's nose piercing ! WHAT??? Yep- mom and her went and got matching nose piercings ! And a lot of other crap- her family tried to turn the kid against us after we tried to do something nice and it turned out to be a disaster ! We almost didnt bring her back to Texas. We got over it.... fast forward to now.

Teresa emails me yesterday "look what my mom sent me" attached was an email from her mom asking where she wanted her xmas gifts sent! She goes on to continue the lies from this summer accusing me of taking her gifts and keeping them. Why would i do that ??? I have no reason to take from this child. I am the one who has done everything for her. Besdies I make her write thank yous ! So it makes no sense. I was pissed. I dont need this. I was bad enough she pulled this crap this summer but not again now. To make a long story short. Teresa had emailed her saying she checks the mail- totally untrue but I guess it allows her to avoid conflict. I told her that she knows right from wrong and she really needs to stand up for what is right. If her mom thinks this is getting her somewhere she is going to keep up this crap. Well, Teresa's email didnt go through and she resent it saying " Please send any gift to me at my house. I know that I will receive any gifts that are sent and I always have. Mara has no reason to keep things from me". And her moms response... "okay". Teresa nipped it in the butt and it went no further ! We talked about it last night and I told her what it meant that she stood up for me instead of allowing the bad mouthing to keep going. She was very proud of herself and wanted to know if her dad knew. She told him what happened as soon as she walked in the door. Stupid part is her crap backfired and brought Teresa and I closer ! I really want to email her and tell her everything but I cant. The important thing is Teresa is old enough to realize what is going on.

And if that is not enough, the day before we got a letter from domestic relations saying they received info that Teresa was emancipated and that her mom may not owe us any child support! What ! Now we have to prove that Teresa still lives with us or they will end the support ! Seems like more than a coincidence that this happens at the same time I told her mom to get current on the medical bills she owes us going back to 2005, and if she didnt by the end of the month I was turning her in to domestic relations ! This is why I hate ex-wives, okay, maybe just one.

Perspective thanks to Zoey and Jude

I have been very tired dealing with a sick baby and frustrated over the surgery being postponed. I have been playing the what if game and kicking myself in the butt- what if I would have done to surgery sooner like the Dr originally suggested, then she would have been done with it (that sort of thing). But after getting on my blog and reading others updates- it has again put things into light for me. What am I complaining about ? There are others in worse situations that would love to be where I am. So I am now kicking myself in the butt for feeling sorry for myself. And my prayers go out to little Zoey who is again in the hospital fighting leukemia and baby Jude who is also fighting a hard fight in the hospital. Poor baby Jude doesnt have a promising diagnoses and may not get to live past childhood~ but we are keeping him (and Zoey) in our prayers and sending them positive thoughts. Jude has a sister (close to Caitlin’s age). I know how hard this has been on Caitlin, I can only imagine what Jude’s sister is dealing with. I will strongly deal with Kayden’s fever and fussiness and try not to complain. I think it has helped a lot having Daddy stay up with Kayden last night and me being allowed a whole nights worth of sleep. Thank you Daddy.

On a side note- the tool bar is missing to allow me to add pictures ! Not sure how to figure it out ! If I dont, I cant add any more pics ! Bummer !!!

Here's what happened

It all started wednesday night.Kayden woke up around 2:30 throwing up, by 3:15 I woke up daddy and he said she threw up on and off until 5am. She does that sometimes and takes medicine for it but never that long. We went ahead and brought her to day care. After lunch Kristi called to say Kayden wasnt really eating and had a fever.I called the pediatrician who said take her to the hospital. So I left work and drove north, picking up Caitlin from school, stopping by the house to get the diaper bag (and something told me to grab a couple of bottled waters from the garage) and then I got Kayden. We drove to the Childrens hospital ER. When we got there they checked us in and we went to triage. Kayden wasnt too happy about leaving mommys arms for the hard scale to get weighed and started cying. While they weighed her they decided to take her temp via her bottom. That is when Caitlin walked into the room, heard her sister screaming, and the hurse shoving something up her bottom. Caitlin got upset and left the room ! We got into our room and the nurse mentioned child life for Caitlin. Shortly after the Doctor came in- she said that she suspected RSV since 8 out of the 10 kids coming in had it ! She didnt think that the shot Kayden got may have been enough in her system and that if it was RSV she wanted to admit immediatly cause the worse was still to come. GREAT I thought ! She also ordered a chest xray. The nurse came and got Kayden and I for the xray and Caitlin waiting in the room. I dont know if you have ever seen this contraption they use but it looks like something out of midevil times ! it has 2 holes for her legs and she balances her body on this small ledge between her legs then half a clear tube comes up on each side while her arms are straight up by her ears, and the tubes straps together (thank goodness Caitlin wasnt there to see that thing )When we get back to the room there is a nice guy named Matt from child life talking with Caitlin. the nurses come in to do the RSV test and Matt takes Caitlin for a walk. the rsv test is them sucking boogies from her nose and they test the mucus. Seems like forever before the dr came back with thumbs up saying RSV test was negitive. then a nurse came in to take Kaydens temp. Caitlin put both hands over the babys bottom saying "no one is touching my babys butt !!" the nurse stepped out and called Matt who came and got Caitlin again- gotta love that Matt !! child life got Caitlin some games to play to help us pass time cause the wait was forever ! We munched on the chips
I had grabbed out of my car and the bottled water I brought. I looked at the clock and it was already 7pm (we had gotten there at 3:30)A social worker came by (real nice jewish girl named rachel who had 2 boys in the 3rd and 5th grades and is divorced- can find out about someone when you are waiting that long in the ER) Anyway, I told her I need to fed Caitlin before CPs gets called on me- I wouldnt be surpsied that was my luck at the time ! So she helped me ordera pizza to the Er- who'da thunk it - I told Caitlin that all our visits to the ER growing up, I had never had a picnic in the ER before. The nurse then did a urine test on Kayden, and they were consulting the radiologist about the chest xray. Seemed like forever and it was getting later and later and I was getting really tired since it was past mine and Kaydens bed time. Eventually they told me everything came back negitive and they called the heart doctor on call who said it was okay for us to go home but wanted us in the office at 9am the next morning. We finally got released at 11:30- eight hours later- and dont think they didnt have us go to insurance first to collect their copay ! I was exhausted ! The next morning I let Caitlin sleep in. robert took Kayden to the doctor and I got Caitlin to school by 9:30 so she counted for attendance and I went to work. Robert called to say the heart doctor cancelled the surgery- I started to cry. We were so close to this being over with. they are thinking it is a virus and want us to follow up with the pediatrician on Monday and see the heart docotor again on the 19th. that is 2 weeks away ! After the appt we took her daycare.I picked her up and Krisit said her fever was 103.I waited for Robert and justlost it.I know anyone would tell us to go the ER with 103 fever but I couldnt. After being there for 8 hours and not sleeping in a couple of days I was exhausted and drained and couldnt do it. so rob called Dr Rowe (cardiologist) and he gave us some things to do and said if it got any higher to go to the ER. Well Friday nite, Saturday and Sunday- was much of the same- fever, fussing and no sleep.I tried to sleep when she slept but it was hard. I started getting sick myself and it really wore on me.I never take naps but was falling asleep any time I laid down ! Caitlin, Kayden, and I took over the living room. We put her pump next to the recliner and the swing next to that. She would start the night in the swing and then when she woke up I would move the the recliner and sleep with her there.I could hear the raspy in her chest and she sounded congested. And thrugh all this Caitlin has been my hero. she wouldnt leave the ER without her sister and she has tried to help so much. and bless her heart- the pump beeps so loud but she didnt wake up, when the phone rang this morning for Daddy to wake me she didnt wake up, but when her sister cried or started to cough- Caitlin jumped up to takecare of her. I am so glad she was here to go through all this with me. I dont know what I would have done without her. and where was daddy...... working through the night and sleeping during the day. but his 4 days off starts today so he gets Kayden duty- I just want one night to sleep all night long !!!!!

Surgery cancelled

Well-Kayden's surgery is cancelled- or at least postponed. I am so bummed and frustrated I can not even talk about it. Of course not sleeping a full night in 2 nights isnt helping or the fact that we were at the ER until midnight last night. I guess I will have to wait until I feel more sane to be able to put it into words.

Letter from Santa

thought it was such a good idea that I had to share an email I got : )

If any of your children want to send a letter to Santa, send it to my office and I have a Santa Letter that the post office is doing and we can send it back to your child so they will get a personalized letter from Santa. The offices here in Arkansas are doing this, but I don't know about other states.

Rainna McGuire
Postmaster/Saratoga
1948 Main Street
Saratoga, AR 71859

She is even tweeking one for Caitlin : ) Here is the situation.... we are jewish and my daughter did not believe in Santa. In first grade the class wrote letters to santa and she told them there was no such thing. So my husband and I decided maybe she should believe so she doesnt ruin it for everyone else. so santa came that year and brought her the pink phone she asked for in the letter she wrote. Last year she wrote a letter that said "dear santa if mom doesnt get me a nintendo ds will you ?" so santa gave her a game to go
with the nintendo mom and dad gave her. we have now created a monster (see the blog with her list). So now I have to get her to take a chill pill but considering it it the same time as Kayden's surgery I dont want her to be devistated so I have asked for it to say something like it "Even though you have Hanukkah, Santa wanted to bring you a little something since you have been so good"
And then Mommy can emphasize the word "little" (meaning no diamonds $500,00 or a horse)
I know that Santa shouldnt come to her at all but I figure believing a little magic cant be that bad- she will grow up soon enough and realize that in the real world magical beings do not show up and bring gifts or money (toothfairy). We do talk about the real meaning of the holidays and she is bringing books to school for Africa and volunteering for the 4th year with blue Santa. she needs some magic in her life. and if a magical being would come and get Kayden through her surgery and make everything okay- I will believe too !!!

She does have a heart.

My stepdaughter Teresa lives with us, and has since Caitlin was born almost 9 years ago. Even though I do so much for her, I am often considered the evil stepmother since I also discipline her (including taking away her cell phone). She has also been through alot with her mother (if you can call her that even though she did give birth) and Teresa's emotions are a little out of wack. She cries over not getting to go to a friends house but not when the dog died- that sort of out of wack. Well Last night we had a talk about Kayden's surgery and she got tears in her eyes talking about it. she is really upset over the fact that they are going to stop Kayden's heart to do the surgery. I guess I never thought it would affect her that way. Afterall she never even cared to visit me when I was in the hospital for a week. So I was really glad to see her cry. Not being ugly,but she showed the expected emotion. It really touched me to see her true concern for her sister. there is hope for teenagers after all. On a side note... the day before she knocked one of my champagne flutes out of the cabinet and it broke. she was a little ugly about it saying "I already apoligized" and then later high fived her friend when she found out he broke glass of his moms the same day- like she was proud of it. So thatis why I got excited about her tearing up and saying the comment about having hope for teenagers ~smile. PS she also informed me that she has an F on her progress report coming out today ~ sigh~ guess I get to keep holding on to the cell phone !

Created a Monster ! Or a Queen in training

Caitlin gave me her holiday wish list.... (are you ready)

1. laptop
2. ipod
3. diamonds (after all, they are a girls best friend)
4. 500,000 "dollers" (does Santa bring money ? )
5. jewelry (guess diamonds dont count)
6. make up
7. real live horse

I know the apple doesnt fall far from the tree ! So is she just a princess in training or have I created a monster ~ smile

Kayden's new tricks

Tuesday 11/25,Kayden discovered putting her lips together and blowing - kinda like a rasberry without the tongue. It was cute listeding to her make the little noise until she started doing it right after she drank from her bottle ! Then look out it was flying milk ! Not so cute ! Then last night I watch ed her holding her paccy. Not that big a deal, she has done it before, usually she holds it- pulls it out of her mouth and then gets upset. this time she was finding it and somewhat getting it back to her mouth ! Everytime she took it out and then managed to get it back in,mommy would clap and say "yeah Kayden". I found this small trivial accomplishment and a foreshadow that the future would be fine. Being delayed in things this small task she figured out gave me peace that the she will be just fine !

she is also getting very fussy lately ! Daddy says she has her witch switch on ! It was on alot this weekend !

Caitlin is star student this week ! go Caitlin ! She had to do a poster to bring to school this week and a couple of trophys and a tiera. Hopefully Daddy or I can have lunch with her.