I am so tired !

Thursday Kayden got her synagis shot (to keep the RSV away !) then Friday she had a follow up with the peditrician about her ear and with the cardiologist. The peditrician said the ear looked better but wasnt cleared up and he wants to see her again 12/26. The cardiologist was upset we took her off the tube feedings and wants us to do it again. He said if she was really having problems breathing with the congestion to let him know and his arm could be bent. Well no sooner then we got home she started getting fussy and wanted to be held and patted. If I stopped she started crying. We thought maybe it was a reaction to the shot but it doesnt seem to be. I spent ALL weekend holding her and patting. And that included the nights. It wasnt too bad friday night and saturday but once sunday night came I couldnt do it anymore. I even tried letting her cry to see if she would cry herself to sleep but no good and Caitlin just got upset that I was letting Kayden cry. At one point I started crying out of pure frustration and being so tired. Caitlin took her from me and got her to stop. she gently explained to Kayden that she cant hold her all ngiht cause she would fall asleep on her and that mommy was the only one who could, so Kayden had to be good for mommy. Well, Kayden didnt listen and moved downstairs hoping sleeping in her swing would help (my hero Caitlin by my side the whole time).By almost 11 I called Robert. Now let me stop for a minute, where is Robert ??? Well, Friday night he worked a lock in and then he started his 4 on saturday (6pm- 6am until till tuesday night). So I called him and he is at IHOP eating with the guys ! Are you kidding me ? I have spent days in a recliner till my rear end hurt waiting for him to wake up at 4pm just so I can take a shower and he is hanging with the guys ! ARGH !! Anyway he came home and took her for a little and then gave her to my dad so I could sleep. I guess she fell asleep and dad put her in her swing cause that is where I found her when she woke at midnight ! then again at 2am and again at 3:30. I could barely handle it by almost 4 when I called Rob who came by and then came home early at 4:30 complaining that he was going to loose his job. My response it "good we can be unemployed together cause I am too tired to go to work" My plan was to sleep for an hour and get up at 5:30 but i slept till after 6am. I ended up rinsing off and coming into work, but I have never come in without washing my hair or putting on my make up at the office ! I called the peditrician's office as soon as they opened. they said I can try vicks on her feet and a cool mist humidifier but they could not see me today. I asked what would they even be able to do since she was too little for medicine and she said listen to her chest. She said if she has a fever over 101 or is inconsolable thke her to the ER. Ya think that is why I have held her for the past 3days ???? Day care is closed today so she is at home with her sisters. I called a minute ago and heard her in the backgroud. I asked if she was fussy and Caitlin said she was talking. So is it me ? Can she sense the frustration ? Am I the only one she does this too ?? Does she know what I went through to get her here ? She sould be good for me and fussy for everyone else ! Especially her dad who was at IHOP instead of holding her and patting her all day and night !

On a positive note : ) Jennifer (Baby Jude's mommy) got the frame we sent for Jude's baptism ! She mentioned it on her blog. I am so glad to know that it made it- I hate mailing stuff this time of year. Her strength is amazing and really lifts my spirits ! Especially on a day like today. thanks Jennifer